Getting to the heart of it...

God continues to work in our lives! So many wonderful things have happened over the past few months. We took our Junior High and High school students from church to the EFCA Challenge Conference for a week. So many lives were brought to Christ, renewed in Christ, or completely changed for His glory during our time at the Conference.

I know my life was one of those lives that was changed through the lessons we learned at Challenge. No matter how strong I think I am in my Christian life, God continues to strengthen my knowledge of Him and my ability to complete work for His kingdom. Even though we returned from Challenge a few weeks ago, I feel like God's changes for my life are still continuing to occur (specifically in the area of self-control).

Over the last few years I have really desired to show others the Fruits of the Spirit present in my words and my actions. But, one of the Fruits of the Spirit I continue to struggle with is self-control. Actually, I should probably say that I have ALWAYS struggled with this one...not just the last few years.

To be specific, I struggle with self-control when it comes to: (uggghhhhh...I don't even want to tell you, but I really feel like it is a must because I know some of you are going through the exact same things. Maybe it will help to know that you aren't the only one.)

So, here they are-I struggle with:

Laziness (Reading a good novel is soooo much better than cleaning my floors, or my bathrooms, or having my household in order the way God asks me to, right?-NO, but I'll read over those things any day.)

Lust or Covetting(Is my relationship with my husband really as good as so-and-so's relationship with their husband?)

Bad health habits (How many fat calories have been in my food this week? How many times have I had icecream or candy this week? Have I been a good wife and cooked healthy for my family?-No, because I see the problems in their eating habits and lifestyle choices.)

Media overusage (How many times a day do I really need to check each one of my four email accounts, facebook, the weather, the itunes store or youtube? Really, how many?-probably NONE.)

Movie choices-(I know I shouldn't watch that movie, but I am going to watch it anyway.)

Not denying myself-(I can't say no to some temptations. Nothing specific. Just random things that come between God and me or my family and me.)

Poor Financial Choices-(How many items have I bought in the last month that I truly did not NEED? My WANT for frivolous items is sometime unbelievable when I think of how much good I could do with that money otherwise.)

Lack of Spiritual Discipline-(Fasting, praying, reading scripture, studying scripture and related texts, witnessing to others-I am doing about 5% of what I SHOULD be doing in this area of my life. This makes me so sad because of my poor choices.)

Bad parenting choices-(I know I should never discipline Preston in anger, but I still continue to discipline in anger because it is "inconvienient" to TAKE THE TIME to discipline him correctly.)

Ohhhh...the list continues, but I am stopping there. Just writing it out makes me nauseated.

I sometimes feel like my life looks a little like my house.The outside of my house is looking pretty good right now-probably because of the countless hours Ben and I spent on it this spring. That is kind of how my body is. Honestly, when it comes to my body I spend the most time on the outside-doing my hair, doing my makeup, whitening my teeth, exercising, deciding what I should wear, etc..

Moving to the inside of my house-it is pretty messy right now, but able to all be picked up in a few hours. Nothing horrible. In comparison, it kind of matches my regard for my healthiness. My health is better than some, but I make poor choices when it comes to food and I am on medications to help with 3 different medical problems.

But, when it comes to the innermost part of my house, (my drawers, my cabinets, my BASEMENT) what is that like? Well, unfortunately those areas are filled with stuff! Yeah, they are organized, but they are packed tightly and a little eclectic-making them difficult to get into and find what I need. Once again, in comparison, my heart is the innermost part of me-filled with what I just told you about (a love for the Lord, but ALSO the biproducts from a lack of self-control). So, for the most part, my heart it filled with tons of clutter. BUT, no one sees these areas so I should be good! (Right?)

OH! SOOOOOO WRONG! What is in my heart completely shows in every other part of my life. So, how am I going to be able to show other people the Fruits of the Spirit through my words and my actions when my heart is cluttered with so many other things? Truthfully, I am not going to be very effective.

I have mourned over these self-control issues so much. I have asked God to show me the parts of my life where I need Him to work the most in and He has definitely been faithful to show me those things (as you have read).

In a parable in Luke, Jesus talks about cutting down a tree that is not fruitful. How long is God going to be patient and wait for me to bear fruit? How long is God going to let me live with so many blessings from Him, but me never giving anything back to Him? This really puts things into perspective for me.

Josh Harris spoke on resisting temptation and it gave me some hope for my problem with the lack of self-control. I give in to temptation. Temptation to sleep when I should be working to better His kingdom. Temptation because of media. Temptation from lust. Temptation to choose other things or people over what Christ wants for my life. Etc, etc, etc.....But, Josh said "Just realizing that you are tempted is God working in your life."

I am constantly fighting temptation. Why? Because God is there with me giving me a way out. I wouldn't be fighting temptation if I didn't already know the correct choice to make! So, if God is working in that way...it gives me so much hope that he will work with me and be there for me as I am constantly at battle with Satan's temptations in this world and my lack of self-control.

Now, don't get me wrong, God is definitely working through many areas in my life (especially through my empathy for those who are struggling with sins in situations that I have previously conquered because of God's grace). I just know God is working in my life when it comes to self-control and that is going to always require sooooo much prayer, support from others, resistance, and putting on the full Armor of God.

It is the (unfortunately large) area of my life that I need to work through so I can be COMPLETELY ready, at any given moment, to do the work God has put me on earth to accomplish. I thought I would write about this because God put it on my heart to write about and I am humbly requesting prayer regarding these issues.