I've truly been blessed!

Today is my 28th birthday. (I still can't believe I am thinking, writing, saying that.) Also, our ten year high school reunion is in a few weeks (I can't believe I am saying that either). I was in the middle of exercising today and I just stopped while thinking: Where has the time gone? What have I been doing with my life? What have I accomplished in the last ten years? Am I filled with joy or sorrow for the things that have happened since high school?

Wow! Tons of questions that came with so much emotion. I have a bad habit of looking at people around me and thinking I am so far behind because I had Preston when I was so young. We don't have thousands of dollars to throw at the next new and upcoming item. We don't live in a huge house or have "eye candy" cars. We don't have iphones. We don't have cable television (by choice mostly). We don't take vacations every year. We don't. We don't. We don't....

I stopped myself with a reprimand. Why in the world am I worried about those things??? NONE of that is what's important. Two years ago I finally gave up my life and let the footprints become one set instead of two. I finally put God where he should have been all along...FIRST among everything else that infiltrates my life. And, over these last two years I have learned better than to ask those questions at all!

So, here is a little about what I DO have: I have water to drink. I have food to eat for EVERY meal. I have a bed to sleep in every night, and if I didn't have a bed to sleep in I know about 100 people who would offer a bed for me to sleep in. I have my health (mostly :). I have a healthy son and a healthy husband. I have two wonderful, crazy, cute pets. I have a phone to call those important to me. I have air conditioning. I have electricity (believe me I won't take this for granted ever again after our time in Israel, Jordan and all of our storms in KY over the last few years). My husband loves me probably more than I can imagine. I have a family who loves me. I have friends that love me (over 80 people wished me happy birthday today!!!). I have a job where I save lives-where the push of one button can keep someone alive or put someone to sleep forever. I have a very comfortable home and more and more....

I could go on forever and get detailed, but I'll spare you. : ) The point is, no matter what I have been through or am going through or (I'm sure) will go through...God has truly blessed me and my family. He has also given me so much more than material items. He has given me peace when I am anxious. Empathy for those who are hurting. The heart of a servant for those in need. The wisdom to discern righteousness from evil, though evil is elaborately cunning. Patience in times of trials or frustration. Joy during times of happiness AND sadness. Love for those who have not. Love for those who I don't want to love. Understanding when no one else understands.

How...after realizing all of this...could I EVER be in want? How could I think I don't have much compared to those around me "living the life". Well, I can't. I can't be in want and I can't even think of comparing myself to those around me.

So, in answering the question, "What have I been doing with my life", apparently I have not been doing anything worth while. God has been the one doing something with it....leading me where he wants me to go. Over the past ten years I (we) have been through some horrible situations, many of which I caused all by myself. Many of which threatened to tear my heart apart or tear our relationships apart or tear apart the relationships of others. But, now I realize I had to get through all that to know what I know now and do what I can do now.

I sometimes think, "Why did God let me go through all of those things? Why was I different from so many people around me that were following God ten years ago? Why couldn't I have ever just put God first and that would have spared my heartache and sorrow?" Over these years God has slowly answered my questions. I am here...now...continually in contact with an amazing Creator, Giver, Friend. That's what matters-nothing else.

Now, and forever I need prayers to stay strong. I need prayers so that God can work in the lives of others, through me. So, not that I mentioned a question to this answer, but THAT is what I intend to do with my life from now on. Keeping the past behind me. Living for so much more than this world and for myself. Keeping one set of footprints-not two. What a blessing to know what I am living for!

For Ashley (although the update is 2 and 1/2 years late) :)

I have been feeling this strong urge to start blogging (yes, I did start this blog two years ago-and, yes, I only completed one post). SO, on that note, we will see how long I feel this urge. lol My thoughts are all jumbled, but I feel like I have so much to say. Hang with me while I sort out the next few posts.

I guess I will start with updating the time line I started in the previous post:

September 2008: Oh, the hurricane winds!! They traveled all the way from the Texas coastline up here just to knock all of our trees and power lines down. Fun times! So many of our friends spent the next 14 days in the dark.

October 2008: My brother got married! What a beautiful wedding!

December 2008: Nick graduated from college with his Bachelors Degree in Political Science.

January and February 2009: Both my mom and my dad spent a week in the hospital for different medical issues. I continue to pray for their health since it is moving (in what I call) the wrong direction.

-Oh yes! I can't forget our ice storm. Everything was COVERED in a half and inch of ice. This lasted over a week~once again managing to take out our trees and power lines. (Luckily, we still had more trees than Kansas when we got done with this storm). All of us were very tired of battling the elements over the past 6 months.)

April 2009: I graduated from Indiana Wesleyan University with my Bachelors Degree of Science in Nursing.

-Also this month, Ben started his own business. Somewhat of a continuance from the High School time period, he is mowing lawns and landscaping. It's amazing to see how God can work through him in this job!

May 2009: Carolyn graduated High School! (To add to that-she and I have become wonderful friends. Through one AMAZING sermon, Christ led her down the path to Him. I am so proud of her!)

July 2009: A 22 hour drive to Estes Park. CO for a Macy family reunion. Oh the things I take for granted-such as living 12 hours closer to a most beautiful, amazing place (that does nothing but shout, "God CREATED....")!! How can you not believe when you see the mountains and the wild flowers and the animals and breathe the air up there??? It was too short of a trip, but a much-needed, wonderful one at that.

August 2009: Carolyn started her Freshman year at Georgetown College in Georgetown, KY. Preston also started his 2nd grade year (continuing) at Cornerstone Christian Academy.

November 2009: We took in another dog! Jonesy is his name. He was our neighbor's dog and now he is ours. He seems to be adjusting to the family very well!

December 2009: Ben and I were sick for most of this month, making Christmas not so enjoyable. Also, this was the first year we did not travel back to Kansas during the Christmas season. This month was a bump in the road! Hopefully December 2010 will be a month that I remember for the good aspects instead of the bad.

January and February 2010: Wow! More bumps in the road, if I may say. Too many people connected to our lives had lost loved ones, were going through the most difficult trials in their lives, or were just experiencing some form of devastation or hardship. I did not realize how much this had affected me until a few months after the thick of it.

I internalize so many thoughts and feelings now (part of my quest to "be still and know that God is God"~in the quiet times is when I feel and hear Him the most). I did not realize how sad and burdened I was by the events that had happened. I love those people. I grieved for those that had gone. I felt the burden of their hardships (and we had our own to go along). It is like the Brandon Heath song lyrics, "Give me your eyes for just one second. Give me your eyes so I can see. Give me your arms for the broken-hearted, the ones that are far beyond my reach. Give me your heart for the ones forgotten. Give me your eyes so I can see."

I know, now, that God allowed me to feel that way. I can see His reasons for the immense "sadness and pain" I experienced. Also, I definitely have somewhat of an understanding of what depression is like (since I had never before been a "sad" person or struggled with difficult emotional problems before this).

May 2010: Finally! The sun is shining. We planted flowers and they are blooming. The grass is green. The trees are flowering. The time for returning to Kansas for our !!!10 YEAR!!! High School reunion is coming quickly. I can't believe it has been that long! We are excited to see everyone we grew up with.

June 2010: Ben and I will be taking our church High School youth group to Challenge in Ohio. Challenge is the Evangelical Free Church's summer retreat. I have mixed feelings about this trip. I am nervous because 1) I never wanted to go to Challenge as a high-schooler 2) Can I do this? Can I help lead this group to taking a path in the direction of righteousness? I am excited because 1) Ben and I have been given the chance to try to bring God into these kid's lives and 2) My heart is now in the right place (when "back then" it definitely was not focused on a vertical path-only a horizontal, self-centered path).

Okay. This completes my catch-up time line. Ashley, hopefully you will see this and hopefully I will continue to update frequently!